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Sunday, April 3rd, 2011 09:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
joyfinderheroI dreamed and journaled and planned and figured my way into a fairly large 'next step' and then waited for Dear Husband to get back to the states from helping a friend move a sailboat -- a five week journey that he seems to have enjoyed at a very deep level. I drove 1400 miles to meet him for some deep and serious conversation.
He was, as always, patient and supportive. He surprised me by being willing to look objectively at next steps and offering a couple of different trial periods. I surprised myself by having far more trouble speaking up for myself that I had expected. We surprised each other several times over, both by the amazing ways each of us could misunderstand a one-sentence comment or a single question and, later, by the level of resilience and flexibility each of us could demonstrate, at least in the short run of a couple of days.
Decisions made:
We will sell the house. It will be sooner rather than later. We may not be 'fully ready' when we list with a real estate agent. This will require both of us to confront the many demons lurking in boxes that were packed in 1980 if not before. It will require both of us to cull collections of books, tools, and artwork. We have a number of ideas about what to move to, and where -- and no decisions at all about that -- but 'when' has become 'this fall if possible, but certainly by spring.'
We will break up the household -- four of us in one house becoming two households, or maybe more than that.
This is going to require lots of flexibility, grace and generosity for the four of us who have lived together since 1991. It promises to be at least occasionally rather fraught.
In a month or less DH and I will dedicate a chunk of time to doing counseling together and see if we can redesign our relationship along the lines of where it was decades ago.
I will get my dancing fix without him. We will need to develop a shared activity that has some of the same benefits. What else? I wish I knew.
The hardest parts are probably still ahead.
He was, as always, patient and supportive. He surprised me by being willing to look objectively at next steps and offering a couple of different trial periods. I surprised myself by having far more trouble speaking up for myself that I had expected. We surprised each other several times over, both by the amazing ways each of us could misunderstand a one-sentence comment or a single question and, later, by the level of resilience and flexibility each of us could demonstrate, at least in the short run of a couple of days.
Decisions made:
We will sell the house. It will be sooner rather than later. We may not be 'fully ready' when we list with a real estate agent. This will require both of us to confront the many demons lurking in boxes that were packed in 1980 if not before. It will require both of us to cull collections of books, tools, and artwork. We have a number of ideas about what to move to, and where -- and no decisions at all about that -- but 'when' has become 'this fall if possible, but certainly by spring.'
We will break up the household -- four of us in one house becoming two households, or maybe more than that.
This is going to require lots of flexibility, grace and generosity for the four of us who have lived together since 1991. It promises to be at least occasionally rather fraught.
In a month or less DH and I will dedicate a chunk of time to doing counseling together and see if we can redesign our relationship along the lines of where it was decades ago.
I will get my dancing fix without him. We will need to develop a shared activity that has some of the same benefits. What else? I wish I knew.
The hardest parts are probably still ahead.