Tending Joy

 Amazing day Saturday -- plenty of good food for mind and body. Followed by plenty of good ritual that feeds the soul. I'd been at this ritual before, a few years ago. I recalled that the Deity invoked seemed actually to be present. I remembered that some of what the aspected Deity said struck a resonance in me.

Somehow I didn't expect that, as the clergyone doing the aspecting walked around, looking so familiarly like the person I know, the God would speak through his mouth while his eyes looked right at me, saying things that are so directly relevant to my life in this moment.

Your job on this Earth is to feel fully. Your job is to fully experience your life. To enjoy every aspect of this embodiment. To delight in your joys and to grieve in your sorrows. Your task is to remain fully present to everything that comes. And to make choices that serve your intention to experience this life. If you do not do that, it does not matter to Us. If you do not do this now, you can do it tomorrow. If you do not do it in this life you can do it in the next, or the one after that. It only matters to You. And it is the only thing required of you.

This came on the heels of a marathon session with a friend who needed a guinea-pig client to practice a specific form of counseling. I learned a great deal from being asked clarifying questions. What maintains the present pattern of putting the needs of this life last? What maintains the pattern of numbing myself to my deficiencies rather than doing the work I feel called to do?

Today I heard, in some detail, that one of my favorite people is moving out of my part of the country. We could, of course, promise to stay in touch. It might even be that we do stay in touch.

But it is more likely that we won't ... or that we will continue to think of each other warmly but maintain the connection in a most limited way. Annual 'season's greetings' or 'year in review' letters have never seemed satisfying to me.

There wasn't a single thing I could say this morning without spilling my tears all over the experience ... and feeling guilty (whether needed or not) for forcing others to comfort me ...

What I heard this morning was eloquent, apt, appropriate. And it was said well.

What I've been having trouble acknowledging is how much it hurts to be losing this friend ... and how much I have taken for granted the warmth of the relationship we had during our early years in the same community. How much I have relied on my blithe assumption that "some day," when my mate was ready to be in New Jersey more, I would just be able to pick up the dropped threads of how it felt to me to be sharing the work, to be dropping in now and then for a real conversation. How much I have wandered off into my own adventures and foolishly assumed that there would still be room for us to make a strong friendship after I returned, before (as I always knew would happen) one of us moved on.

What I'm seeing at the moment is how cavalier I was, to assume that opportunity would always be there. This is being a good object lesson in the importance of letting people know they're important to me while we're still in the middle of it, instead of only at the end. And while I am grateful for the teaching, I wish I'd had the good sense to learn it before this time. To benefit from the lesson by enjoying more time and work together while we were still in the middle of this one.

Listening in detail, it seems to me that this move is exactly right for the folks most involved. The place, the surroundings, and the task at hand all seem tailor-made for some beautiful and deep work. All seems in readiness to plant, and nurture, and then bloom something wonderful, huge, and new.

Selfishly I hope I'll get to read a blog about these adventures, even so far away.
 
I hope they will Go with God, by whatever gender(s), by whatever (and all their) names. I hope they will each Be You to Full; be Joy-Us; be Response-Able; be enLight-ened. I hope they will experience their participation and participate in their experience. I hope they will choose to participate and participate in their choices. I hope they will take care of themselves before taking care of others. I hope they will know that the universe loves them beyond all reason.

I'm gonna go have another good cry now.

Bolo ties, narrow cords holding a cameo – or a bullet – at my neck
Brighid’s Day, the well and forge in celebration
Wolves and roosters howling at the moon
Lobo at his best

Be on the look out for
Cornhusks made into dollies in this supremely catholic country
Where the Mayans hold to their own religions deep under the Roman form
Where I would have thought no Celt had ever set foot
Cornhusks line the sidewalk today, corn dollies, braided crosses, woven baskets
I feel at home for the first time

Being present to what is presented
Owning only what is mine
Loving this life
Outwardly and inwardly

Be on the lookout for
Pasiphae and Minos, their chamberlain and soothsayer,
Their priestess, their daughter, their impossible son

Be on the lookout for the astonishment of kings
For the moments of grace
For the chance to completely break out of an old pattern
Into something new

Listening I look, looking I see, seeking I find, finally I listen
Beyond the lookout is the face (and ear) of God Hir Self.

                                                    -- Imbolc 2009

Back in October of 2006 some of us were kvetching about politics and I looked to see what I actually would choose, if instead of feeling so powerless I felt like I had a choice. Here's what I wrote then:

I have a preference for gentle, lawful transference of power to law-abiding, sane, intelligent, well-intentioned people who listen well to their constituents, even to the ones who disagree with them. So I prefer a clean 2008 election which produces a President who listens well to the voices of intelligent pluralism, cultural diversity, bringing this country forward into greatness. ...

I seek a visionary 2008 administration, one that resists the temptations and pressures of what has been "business as usual" in the mold of Kenneth Lay, Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo, Wal-Mart, Halliburton ... I want a political administration that steps boldly forward toward equality for all -- regardless of creed, color, race, national origin; regardless of sexual orientation, preference, perception; regardless of gender, sex, surgical history; regardless of ability or perceived ability; regardless of height, weight, IQ, allergy; regardless of political affiliation; regardless of religion, spirituality, philosophy; regardless of suburb of upbringing or who they know. I want a political administration with the courage to stand up to the Beltway culture and say, "Enough is enough. You folks haven't been voted into office in the first place, and we're not going to do business with you beginning right now."

I seek a winner in the 2008 Presidential election who has the courage to speak the truth, the savvy and political street smarts to survive hatchet-ads and lying competition, and the humility to recognize that America is not the king of the world, humanity is not in charge of the planet, and ethical behavior is not just for Sunday morning (or any particular other moment of religious observance) but is for all the time. I seek a President who will step boldly forward to repair the world in the direction of fairplay for all, not just their friends.

After last night's debate, I happened across this writing. I notice that, at that time, I had no idea what candidate might appear for the 2008 elections. Last night I saw what could be possible if we have the political will to create the world we choose to live in.

If you care about your country, Vote. If you care about voting, Register. If you care who wins, make sure your friends are registed, too. The time to register is Right Now.

So ... my new mizpochah (approximation of yiddish anglicized spelling) (that is, the parents-in-law of my child) are great! ... and they give wonderful parties, too!

I really like my new extended family. Beloved Elder Son now has a charming mother-in-law, a delightfully affable and funny father-in-law, two brothers-in-law who are very tall and very good-looking (but whom I didna get to talk to much), two sisters-in-law-by-marriage (well, one by marriage and one to become 'by marriage' in the spring) ... and a Beloved Bride whom I was already very fond of and am delighted to have officially in my family.

The ceremony:

In a garden behind a 16th-C church an altar has been erected against a North wall. Before the altar a raised platform, reached by a raised aisle between two banks of chairs. Everything is strewn with rose petals, the space is flanked with ball-shaped arrangements of greenery and flowers. On the back of every chair is draped a white shawl as the guests enter the space. Above the wall behind the altar two tall trees are in full and glorious bloom. Later when the wind rises they will rain golden petals down upon the happy couple during the most personal of the vows.

The Groom and Parents (that's us) walk around to the far side of the space and stand facing the center aisle, so our backs are to no one. We wait as the drum and flute begin. The rhythm is unrecognizable and hypnotic. I find it impossible to stand without swaying to the beat, like nothing I have ever heard.

The Shaman arrives, bearing the last items for the altar. At the foot of the platform he kicks off his shoes. We look at each other and ask, sotto voce. We take off our shoes and return to our places.

The Shaman begins speaking, guiding those assembled in the beginning of the ceremony. He speaks in Spanish, mostly, and for the most important parts he speaks in both Zapotec and Spanish alternately. A young woman stands just behind him and translates into English for those of us from far away.

The drum quickens. "We ask all those invited guests to please wrap yourselves in the shawls provided, so that we all are wearing white to honor the Bride as she arrives." And they do ... everyone wraps a white shawl around shoulders covering the finery of the wedding guest. The Groom removes the jacket of his tuxedo, revealing the spotless and almost glowing white shirt he wears beneath. My mate is already wearing a many-tucked Mexican wedding shirt; like the Bride's mother, I am already wearing a floor-length wrap over my evening dress. All are in white to honor the white-tulle-draped Bride.

Another flute is heard from behind us; the Bride and her parents, and two of her girlfriends carrying her train, have begun their long walk. In view of all, they walk from North to South to the back of the assembled chairs as everyone stands to watch. Then they walk from West to East along the back of the group, and then from South to North along the raised walk. The girlfriends settle the Bride's train behind her and fade off to their seats as the three -- Bride and Parents -- take their places in a line facing us at an angle, their backs to no one.

The Shaman speaks, carrying us into the first part of the ceremony itself.

He asks the permission of the spirits of the East. He asks permission of the spirits of the South. ...the West ... the North ... the Heavens ... the Earth ... and the Equilibrium among them all. As he does this, he blows the smoke of incense in each direction, he blows the sound of a conch shell (it sounds like a shofar or a deep, rich trumpet) in each of the seven directions, all of us face in each of the directions.

Then he invites those assembled to sit, and the personal part of the ceremony begins.

"Parents of the Bride, now is the time to tell us of your daughter and your wishes for her future." (well, or something like that). The Bride's Mother speaks eloquently of how much the parents have always loved their daughter, and asks the Groom to love her that much, as well, and to tell her so, night and morning. After a pause, the Bride's Father speaks eloquently of the care and love, attention and education, food and support they have lavished on their daughter, and asks the Groom to care for her well.

Without comment, the Shaman passes the microphone to me.

As I remember it (which may be close to what I really said, at least I hope so) I said "Together with ___ and ___ who could not be here, we have loved this son, and educated him, and invested time and money, blood sweat and tears, and love in bringing him to manhood. Proudly we have watched him walk in the world as a man, always knowing he was waiting for this woman. All I ask of you is that you love him back."

Then it was the turn of my mate, stepfather to my boys. As I remember it (which will be inexact, as I was much surprised) he said "I want you to know how much we love our son. ...As you build your family together, always remember that you will always be part of our family too."

Then the Bride and Groom were invited to speak to one another across the altar, while still standing with their respective parents, about their hopes and dreams for the union they were creating today.

And then a bowl of fire was brought, and our nieces were asked to step forward, and light a candle for Youth and Beginnings, bringing the wisdom of that stage of life to this early stage of matrimony. Then the Groom lit a candle, and then the Bride, and each was invited to speak wisdom and a wish from the stage of adulthood to the mature stage of their marriage. And then a family Elder -- my long-bearded mate -- lit the fourth candle and spoke from the wisdom of age. "I wish you peace and compassion," he said, "wisdom and patience." I thought he was finished speaking, and felt proud of all that he had said. And then he went on. "And I hope you will always love each other as much as I love your mother."

I think I sobbed audibly, completely astonished and undone by this uncharacteristic declaration, and also by the fact that he was a mite choked up when he said it.

And then we sat down, parents and onlookers, in our chairs. The happy couple sat on a pair of cushions on the platform before the altar, surrounded by flower petals and the burning candles.

They were wrapped in a shawl which was knotted across their shoulders, symbolizing that this union is binding. At intervals they sat with their foreheads touching while blessings and incantations were spoken above their heads.

For about the next half-hour they sat holding hands and gazing into each others' eyes while they were showered by flower petals, by sweets, and by salty candies (these symbolizing the sweet good times and the salty tears of the inevitable bad times in their life together), as many things were deeply spoken. They made vows. The permission of the Creator of All was asked. Divine Inspiration and Divine Guidance were invited to their union. Each person present was asked to step forward and speak a few words of wisdom and wishes to the couple for all to hear. They made more vows.

They were asked questions and posed challenges. Blessings were showered upon them in many ways. There was laughter to go with the usual crying-at-weddings. They fed each other sesame and honey, and shared a drink of mescal-and-herbs-and-milk. They burned seeds with seven promises.

Eventually the Shaman spoke the official pronouncement and they kissed, long and delightedly, while the rest of us applauded. Then, led by the flute, the Newlyweds processed around the space and out to a courtyard, followed by all of us. There the whole company shared the sacred drink, candles were handed around, and the music began. Then we stepped through the gate into the street to find ourselves in another parade, this one led by gigantic Bride-and-Groom puppets (traditional in Mexican weddings, and the very pair used in 'every wedding in Oaxaca'). The real Bride and Groom walked beneath a striped satin canopy that looked very much like a Huppah, the poles held up by their tallest friends. And for the next four blocks all the passersby stopped and applauded, whistled and cheered as we walked and danced by. At intervals along the route more mescal was poured, and when we finally reached the hotel everyone was pleasantly warm.

A wonderful party ensued, with singing and dancing, chatting and laughter, excellent food and drink, and a Cuban band to dance to. We ancient ones left the party about midnight, but I understand a good many folks were still there when they closed it up around 5 am.

My impression is that these two were married in the presence of God (Whoever or Whatever That Is) and Earth and Sky and Elements as well as this Company ... with the permission of Divinity and all the Directions ... in spirit and mind and heart and body ... in emotions and will and desire and peaceful presence.    ...   It seems to me that they are as well-and-truly married as any pair I ever saw.

It has been a good day and a good three-day party. And tomorrow we fly back to the states. I couldn't be more pleased.

Blessed Be.

So. Outside my windows at this very moment the heavy grey rainclouds are low in the Eastern sky. To the South and West the brilliant blue sky is about 2/3 filled with high-flying bright-white cumulus clouds, some with darker underbellies, some not. The whole weather system is visibly and fairly speedily moving Eastward. Brilliant sunshine floods the backs of the orange leaves outside my South window and the faces of the red leaves outside my East window. The trees bow and bend in the brisk March-style winds that have sprung up in the last 25 minutes, following a 15-minute dense vertical downpour that looked like drowning everything if it kept up.

Quite a contrast to the weather I was seeing an hour ago.

I am struck full in the face by the fact that I asked for exactly this, and in writing -- even though I was NOT 'holding an intention' for the present weather to actually change. That is, I wasn't "doing weatherwork" about the weather. All I did was write down what I would prefer.

"sunshine, striking colors, light ... Or if it has to rain, I like a downpour,... followed by CLEARING".

Here it is, less than 90 minutes later, accomplished.

If this is what's true in my 'weatherworker' life, what else might it be true of?

...