Update -- 2 March 09

[joyfinderhero]

Relationships

Getting good at this ‘parallel play’ stuff – each of us doing our own thing, but sharing space and meals and good talk about how each project is going. Several good conversations with Dear Husband this week negotiating plans. Warm gentle fondness and lots of cuddling. A couple of good conversations with new friends among the cruisers, including a dynamite Ladies' Lunch that makes me wish I would be here next week to do it again -- all of us 'of a certain age' and each of us fairly eclectic in our own different ways, and great conversation!

And I'm looking forward to seeing the folks at home, too.

Writing

Memoir is growing by leaps and bounds, even though I sometimes think Red Smith was right – all you have to do to be a writer is sit in front of the keyboard until little drops of blood form on your forehead.

Student Handbook, draft one, is about finished – now I have the technical challenge of figuring out how to upload it to our shared workspace site.

Chaplaincy

On the back burner while I’ve been in Guatemala. Not certain what will happen once I’m back in the states, but probably within the next few weeks I’ll be thinking about Hospice work again.

Medical

Sure is different to be over 60 than it was to be younger than 60. The present challenge seems to be gastric – dunno if I’ve picked up a parasite or have an obstruction or just what. I’ve been mostly staying acceptably comfortable by taking stool softeners and the occasional laxative, but clearly whatever’s happening is not clearing up by itself.

So I leave the Rio Dulce tomorrow and fly back to New Jersey on Wednesday … and see my doctor on Thursday. I’m not expecting anything very dire, but I do suspect I’ll be doing whatever constitutes a ‘full G-I workup’ these days (and if I'm going to do that, I'd rather it be somewhere where I know the language). I still remember the barium enema I had in 1953, but probably this won’t be as difficult as that was, whatever they’re going to do.

Celebration

Second Summit is starting to really look good. Her new floor gleams, her new interior walls are smooth and watertight and beautiful, the Master’s Cabin aft is coming together very nicely and will convert to 2 cabins readily when we go to sea (and thus need more people along). Time to order the replacement sail and start measuring for curtains, we’ve gone around deciding where the interior lights and grab handles should be, and the new Navigator’s Desk looks like being perfect. Yippee!

Magic

I’ve done very little formal ritual work since arriving in Guatemala. Some meditation, both formal and informal, and plenty of intention work … but nothing in a cast circle, nothing in the way of handicraft with an intention chanted in. I’m feeling complacent rather than deprived, but I suspect that’s just part of the climate thing. Everything seems to happen on a slower schedule than it does at home. But it is odd to find that, apart from noticing and greeting the Moon each night, I haven't even celebrated the Full and Dark.

Sobriety

After nine months of strict teetotaling, I ordered a gin-and-tonic a month ago. I was surprised at how little effect it had. I noticed the circumstances and observed that I was actually choosing to drink rather than speak up to say I was tired of this conversation with total strangers and casual acquaintances ... or even make some excuse and go curl up in my bunk with a book.

A couple of days ago I found myself feeling stuck in an even less worthwhile conversation, sitting at a table with three elderly male white boat guys listening while two of them made racist and sexist comments about everything that had happened today … and I felt like it would be rude of me to stand up and walk away. So I ordered a beer.

Clearly this is not a good pattern for me to be in. On the one hand I dunno as there’s any great need for me to “never” put alcohol in my face again; on the other hand, clearly I need to find a better way to cope with uncomfortable conversation. And I don’t think I want to reinforce the idea that any time I don’t like what I’m doing I should have a beer. Is that simple avoidance or what?

Spiritual Practice

Back on track with Active Meditation. This week the topic is the Group Soul.

Still not spending more than a few minutes a month with Discourses, which makes me about six months behind.

Keeping Commitments

Still having trouble with remembering what day it is, remembering what time I’m supposed to be where … which seems to be typical of the way the locals do things, too, but doesn’t work for me when I’m supposed to be in an on-line class or a conference call. Still having trouble double-scheduling things.

I’m hoping this will clear up when I’m back in NJ with a calendar posted on the refrigerator, and everything happening in the same timezone.

Physical Reality

I will be glad when we can move back aboard the boat. I will be glad when my body is feeling better. I could definitely love seeing some of the sights available in Guatemala, and I have definitely had all I need to of hanging out at the boatyard and sleeping in this cluttered storeroom.

Plans, Overwhelm, Overbookedness

Actually the schedule seems somewhere between ‘just right’ and ‘a bit too loose’ at the moment. Planning to leave on less than a week’s notice has been easy, packing in one day has been fairly simple. Mostly I’m enjoying watching my anxiety wax and wane, and noticing that I can recognize the symptoms of that even when I’m not “aware” of feeling that. Dithering, second-guessing, trying to do the ‘perfect’ thing instead of ‘one of the good things’ … all seem to exist just so I can know how I’m doing even when I’d rather not know.

So: a couple of days of travel, and then we’ll see.